My thoughts start at the beginning- before the beginning, even. From the moment I learned I was to become a mother, my life has not been the same. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, so early I hadn’t even had a chance to really feel what pregnancy was like. Conventional wisdom told me the best comfort for this kind of loss was to try again, and my daughter was born eleven months later. But I am getting ahead of myself- my labor and delivery of her is what I want first to discuss.
Let’s not talk about what I did, but what I should have done. I should have listened more to those godly, Christian mothers around me who had successfully made it through labor, and taken every wise word to heart. I should have memorized Bible verses that I could easily call to mind when the pain came. I should have trusted my instincts enough to know that my body would do what it needed to do without anybody trying to speed up the process. Most of all, I should already have been aware of my human tendency towards fear, and prepared in prayer accordingly.
The reason I know now what I should have done then is that I now have seven children, all born naturally. Of course, my hindsight ought to be perfect, the only thing I can say about myself that is.
[This is posted as part of an ongoing series of my responses to The Mother Letter Project. When I am through “talking nonsense, and noisy nonsense at that”, I’ll cull the best bits and send them in a letter to the mum.]