In Good Health

Julia came down with something this afternoon. The illness was almost instant in its ferocity, where she was fine one minute and feverish the next. I gave her the decongestant first, because there wasn’t any apparent elevation in her temperature. Then, an hour later, I gave her fever meds because she was so miserable. Her eyes would roll back in her head and she could hardly stay awake. That shallow breathing, that stillness. Many sick children, but it never gets easier. I think of how I will do anything to make them feel better. Anything.

A lady whose blog I read wrote about having tests run and how expensive that is, along with the many treatments for disease and major illness we have now. Things like this have been on my mind a lot lately, too, not because I am sick, but because it seems like after every diagnosis follows a fundraiser for the medical expenses. What am I not getting about this scenario if I think there is something weird about that? Add to it that a man was in the news because he faked having cancer so he could take money from everyone. This past year, our two biggest medical expenses- Sam’s MRI and Julia’s birth- were ‘covered’ when I applied for charity with the hospital. So, how is it that illness bankrupts some and not others? Is it ever the case that someone chooses against the expensive treatment because it would not be a good use of (everyone’s) money? Should we act as if God wants us to choose chemo, every time? All of these are good questions to meditate on when I am not in a desperate position to answer them. One thing has come to mind so far, I believe from the LORD. My job is to treasure and to preserve life as far as it is in my power to do so. I suppose that would be a guiding factor in situations where I had to make a decision of treatment for one of my children. When Sam’s neurosurgeon was strongly recommending a surgery at a very young age, we decided for it because it would give him the best chances at a good quality of life. Of course, it had its risks, and its expenses. But the decision wasn’t hard.

Now, if I had cancer. That is tougher, because how far do I go to treasure and preserve my own life? Selfishly, I go all the way, no expense spared. If I am thinking of children still to raise and a husband still to belong to, I still go pretty far to take those chances at a better quality of life. I think. There’s Heaven to consider, though. How much should Heaven factor into this? Not that I am eager to get there like I should be. I mean, there’s still much to be done here in this city, right Chris Tomlin?

What a burden it is for parents of sick children and people of sick selves to make these choices. God is faithful, I know, and will pave the way for us as we go, and bear us up on His wings when we can’t go further.

He found Jacob in a desert land, and in the howling waste of a wilderness. He encircled him, He cared for him, He guarded him as the apple of His eye. Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, and hovers over its young, so He spread His wings and caught  him, and carried him on His pinions.

-Moses

Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burdens.

-a Psalmist