I had a good week off from the blog. Got a lot of thinking, praying, and learning done. Much of what I learned about my attitudes wasn’t pleasant to swallow, but I am glad to have been convicted of these things so I can start making changes for the better. Come along on my path of humbling, if you dare.
Toward the end of the week I was feeling really down. Maybe it was the weather, maybe just pregnancy hormones, but the hard facts of reality were hitting me all over again- this house is not selling, we are not finding a church, yet another week is going by with all this waiting.
Through my daily Bible reading and prayer, I realized that I have been pretty arrogant when it comes to visiting churches in the area- I almost want something to go wrong so I can say, ha, we’re not supposed to be there! It is really ugly, if I think on it at length. I want to be more open about the churches we consider from now on.
Also, I am letting this desire I have for adventure rule my attitude. Funny, I have all the adventure I can handle (literally) sitting in my lap, to last a lifetime. But I always want to shrug off today in hopes that tomorrow is more exciting. Every time Luke’s cell phone does its line dance (his ringer is a country tune), I hope it is the Realtor calling, with someone wanting to see the house. Every few days we are home doing the routine, I am itching to get out and do something different. Every few hours, I’m looking for something new to eat. (Oh, but I can blame Baby for that.) I’m definitely not built for monotony. Sadly, the only thing this wanting does is cause discontent, and I know that God does not want me to wish my life away. I must let go of this expectation that life should be more exciting. And maybe the reason it is not more exciting right now is that I have shunned the relationships having a church home would offer, for these many months.
Resolved: I need to submit to this present-day reality, and find the joy that is in it. I need to be in a plain, ordinary church again, with all the imperfect people that shape it. I don’t need to solve their problems or judge them, or write them off before I’ve met them. I need to roll up my sleeves and get to work right beside them, because that is where the true fulfillment (and hence, adventure out the wazoo) can be found.
*from Numbers 16:1-7. Read the whole chapter for some really convicting stuff.