Last Saturday there was a snafu with Luke’s phone- someone ‘updated’ it so now it cannot act as a wifi hotspot. It has been a little dicey as far as not getting information in time via email, but other than that, I have not really missed Mister Internet. Last month I started feeling like I was getting hooked on blogs again, so I then abandoned Della and Lindsay and a couple others I had been reading faithfully, and I guess that got me ready for our internet fast.

Here I am at the library today, using their internet connection. We can also usually check email and such at church; these places along with the occasional stop at Panera or McDonald’s can provide just enough access.

The summer reading program has started up again. I considered doing a read through the Bible challenge for myself this summer like last, but decided not to. I am, however, sticking to missionary stories and books I know will not be too dramatic or violent. Right before Kenan was born I had started Christy by Catherine Marshall, and I believe that contributed to the darkness surrounding my labor and delivery of him. I just finished reading Evidence Not Seen again, by Darlene Deibler Rose, and some could argue that this book was more violent than Christy, as it takes place in a Japanese POW camp. It was a different kind of violence and sorrow and pain…Darlene wrote it in such a way that hope pervaded every evil. So good a book. She is such an inspiration. After finishing it this time, I was struck with the thought of how I avoid suffering. Headache? Pop some pills. Dishes need done? Find someone else to do it. I often go through my day working toward having some time to myself at the end, and often will be pretty put out if there doesn’t end up being much left. This dovetails with what I was saying about my lack of humility- I am not willing to suffer any loss so that someone else, or God, can gain. But that isn’t God’s way. “He must increase, I must decrease,”  John said. And to accomplish that decreasing requires a lot of suffering, in various forms. It is all over the Bible how suffering is a part of growing in faith. So, I must be willing to suffer if I am to be on the path to spiritual maturity. The next big exposure to suffering will be my labor with Elijah, and I am committed to being more prepared for it than I was with Kenan. Bible verses at the ready, maybe a song or two. Things that will remind me that this part of life is just as important spiritually speaking as sitting in church listening to a sermon- every aspect of my life needs to reflect my dependence on God, as He gives pain and sorrow just as much as He gives joy.