“I felt that I was entering a covenant with the Almighty. I felt as though I wished to withdraw my promise but could not…” ~Hudson Taylor
We are parents to ten children, and while this may make us appear to be giants of faith, there hasn’t been a single time between each one that I haven’t been tempted to turn back from this “covenant with the Almighty”. Our current baby, I have mentioned, causes me often to think how he may be our last, so I have savored each cuddle and smile a lot more. Also, I think about how even if he isn’t the last, this season of life is fleeting, and it would be best if I ‘suck the marrow’ out of it while I am still able. Thoughts like these have kept me going these past few months, as we watch to see if I get pregnant again, and how soon.
But, like Hudson, I have had my moments of doubt. Last weekend I took a pregnancy test, as my cycle had not returned after 5 weeks. As I awaited the results, I was shaking! I had no idea how even though I’d been telling myself all these positive things about how our Great God can be trusted and there is no reason to fear, I must not really have believed it deep down.
The test was negative. I was relieved, but saddened at my faithless response.