Bleeding Afresh

We have reached a lull in our stormy twins experience. The rains will not likely subside until the babies are delivered, and some emotional aftermath is to be expected, too. For now, though, I actually have many days in a row that I barely think of her, while am almost constantly thinking of her. Still, there is the odd day where I run into someone in town who didn’t know, or am asked by a stranger why I am so big (“Are you sure it isn’t twins?”), or am supposed to call my insurance company and update them on my pregnancy. Then all the feelings are right there again, making it hard to breathe. It hurts, I tell Him. Lord, it hurts. I can identify a little with Ann Judson, first wife of the missionary, Adoniram, who said:
“When for a moment we realize what we once possessed…the wound opens and bleeds afresh. Yet we would still say, ‘Thy will be done.'”
I’ve found that last part especially true, and some comfort to me even today. In my conversation with Him this afternoon about my sorrow, it was as if He was saying to me, “I have something better for you. Something different.” I can’t “bleed” long when I realize that if this is the plan He has for me, it must be better. It must be perfect, as He is.

2 Replies to “Bleeding Afresh”

  1. Hurting here for you, which cannot be as much as you are hurting nor take the hurt away, but hurting with you anyway. I am praying for God to heal the wound and to seal the scar with a sweet balm that somehow is good and perfect. I love you.

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