It stinks that I don’t get on here more, because by the time I do there is way too much to say.
We have been moved into our new home for a few weeks now (yay!), and trying to settle into some new routines. One routine, Internet use, will always need tweaking, since we don’t have it in the new house. I think I will be able to get online Monday nights, before my BSF class, but there is no guarantee I’ll have time to blog. It will be, after all, dinnertime, and there will be, after all, farmhouse burgers and farmers’ market omelettes to snarf down at Bob Evans. But, as long as you don’t mind me typing with my mouth full…
“I’m pregnant again…I think.” That isn’t the typical thought pattern of a girl with child for the 11th time. But it is the way I spent the last three months, waiting to miscarry this sweet babe. Lots of things were weird this time, and I suppose I was maybe still shellshocked from last year with the twins, that I would get up every morning, and wonder, is this the day I lose the baby? Finally, by week 10 or so, things seemed to right themselves and I began to ‘feel’ more pregnant. So I went in this week to see what was up, still preparing myself for anything. That ‘anything’ is a beautiful baby boy, about the size of a large egg. His name is Adon, and I would covet your prayers for him, and for me. For him, because although he looks healthy, I now know that can be a precious and fleeting thing. For me, because I haven’t quite gotten this faith thing figured out. I’ve felt so much guilt this time around, because maybe I shouldn’t have been going through my days expecting the worst, maybe I shouldn’t be looking at so many hardships in life like God is punishing me. He loves me; I want to know this like the back of my hand. Which is looking old these days. Hmmm.
The Isaiah study I am doing through BSF is so rich. One study question in my lesson this week was, “Why do you think God hates sin so much?” Ouch. I mean, you can think of reasons right away, and list them off, and you’d be right, of course. But I purposely haven’t written anything down yet, because my prayer is, “Lord, please show me WHY You hate sin so much. I need to dig deeper than the obvious here, because I’m still missing something…” I know I’m missing something because if I really knew why He hated sin so much, wouldn’t I hate it, too? Wouldn’t my response to it be as in Isaiah 30:22:
Then you will desecrate your idols overlaid with silver and your images covered with gold; you will throw them away like a menstrual cloth and say to them, “Away with you!”
This goes back to the whole “God is punishing me” mentality, too. So intertwined in Isaiah are His love for His people, and His wrath over their sin. Of course, now that He took that wrath upon His body and died for us, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I need to look at difficulties in life not as punishments, but as character builders, maturity givers, and the good gifts they are since they come from our Heavenly Father.
Junior Asparagus has done it again- made me cry. I love the lullabies CD that came out a decade ago, and still listen to it often. Lisa’s voice is just too cute singing those songs. Well, this Christmas, there was a free VeggieTales album to download about a singing Christmas tree, with lots of good songs that my kids now have memorized. But one song on there really stood out to me- Junior Asparagus does Handel?! Really, it is terrific. It is the one that goes, “For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given…” When it gets to the part
and His name shall be called…
I just have to cry. Many reasons. In Isaiah we have been able to take a closer look at all those names given to our Savior- my favorite is Everlasting Father. I used to think it was talking about God the Father, but it isn’t- it is a name for the Son, our Creator, Who always has been. How beautiful. But the main reason I am moved by this song (and remember it sounds like it is being sung by a child) is because we are naming our child “My Lord”, one of Jesus’ many wonderful names. It reminds me of him, and Him, all at once. Last week I was feeling so tired, and really cold, too, for some reason. I prayed, telling the Lord how I was feeling so crappy and was bummed that my energy and heat would have to be elsewhere, since it wasn’t in me. I then got to thinking about what the disciples were to say if anybody challenged them when they took the Palm Sunday donkey, “The Lord has need of it.” Maybe Adon needed the energy more than I did. Okay then! was my response. No problem! What else could I give him? Anything to keep him healthy and happy. That doesn’t always come easy, though. When I am asked to sacrifice, I hope my first thought would be, “my Lord has need of it”- in this temporary pregnancy, and in this only slightly less temporary life.